dorks.

So, we just arrived in our hotel in HotLanta and the four of us have been without internet for approximately 35 hours. We have been craving wi-fi like a pregnant woman craves peppermint orange juice. We had been praying that once we arrived we would be able to check our emails, sports scores, myspace's, etc...And alas, we are here, and we have free wi-fi. What a glorious afternoon this has become. Here you see us all in our most satisfying positions...laptops on laps.

Cattle-ist

I’m excited.

Tomorrow I, Jake, Charlie, and Chris (two “J’s”, two “C’s”) are headed to Atlanta for the Catalyst Conference (i know it's improper grammar, but it was necessary for the acronym).

I’m so ready to just be a sponge, soaking up all kinds of knowledge and ideas for the ministry at Nexus.

It’s time for some rejuvenation after a month of hard labor working on the house and stress at work.

Refresh my soul!

I think Charlie will be posting updates here: http://charliedean.blogspot.com/

Domicile.

Move-in day was a success. The only casualty was Bri’s phone, which managed to ride for more than 8 blocks on the trunk of her car before sliding off and getting run over several times on War Memorial Drive. Poor Bri.

Other highlights included:

Rapid-fire pneumatic staple gun.

My dad calling me a “mongoloid” after I ducked to allow my bed frame, which was leaning against the inside wall of the trailer, to flip over my head and crash to the floor rather than catching it (picture a cartoon where the façade of the building falls and the character survives by standing in an open window frame).

Discovering a lost civilization under the kitchen counter and cabinets where several 100 generations of mice must have lived (this revelation was only made because it was necessary to pull out the cabinets to replace the floor. Fun. And gross.).

Buying an 8-foot long dryer vent pipe, which was 5 feet too short to actually function.

Cougar hiding on the top shelf of the storage room in the basement for 6 hours because he was freaked out by the new house.

Attempting to roll the dryer out of the trailer on a cart without using a ramp, resulting in a very loud crash when the strap came off and the side of the dryer hit the concrete. I hope it still works.

Using brute strength and pent up frustration to tear out and destroy the old kitchen floor. Priceless.

TGIF (Talking Giraffes Infest Florida)

It's going to be a good day.
I got an email from my boss this morning, informing the liability unit that we just denied renewal of two of our largest accounts. One is a huge corporation that owns Krispy Kreme franchises, several hotels, catering services, and restaurants in PA. The other owns 53 McDonald's in FL. Collectively, I've handled 50 claims for the two accounts in the past 6 months. That's more than a claim a week/per account. Considering we have 10 examiners in our unit, that's approximately 960 claims a year in liability alone. Good riddance!

Church Squirrels.

There were four country churches in a small Texas town: The Presbyterian Church, the Baptist Church, the Methodist Church and the Catholic Church. Each church was overrun with pesky squirrels.

One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.

In the Baptist Church the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week.

The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creation. So, they humanely trapped the Squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.

The Catholic Church came up with the best and most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.

sorry, i couldn't resist.

Weekend, what's a weekend?

I don't remember what it's like to relax.

maybe soon...

I did it-sanded 4 floors in 24 hours. Couldn't have done it without Bri! I'm still feeling it in every muscle and joint. It was worth it though. Bri and I are putting the second coat of finish on the floors tonight and maybe finishing painting the kitchen if we have time. The carpet was installed in the theatre saturday morning, so all that's left for the floors is the kitchen and breakfast area.

Still on schedule to move in Saturday!!

then i can relax...(probably not).

Almost there!

Mint green before, beautiful blue after...

Horrendous, psychedelic “Magic Eye” wallpaper in bedroom 1 before, soothing neutrals after…

Progress-slow, but steady.

Theatre room before. Notice the nasty, stained blue carpet.
Theatre room after. Light beige carpet is coming next week! The 52" HDTV is going at the end of the room, with suspended 7.1 Dolby Digital THX speakers surrounding the viewers.


Before and after of bedroom two. Blue wallpaper is gone! Hardwood floors in both upstairs bedrooms, the office, and the dining room are being refinished starting tomorrow night. Can I do 4 rooms in 24 hours? I sure hope so.

I am eagerly seeking volunteers to help pull up linoleum in the kitchen or to pull staples from the hardwood tomorrow night or saturday. I will be finishing the floors sunday if you would like to apply urethane! Or you could help Bri paint trim. Or just come make us laugh. Or bring cookies.

Updates.

After working diligently on the house for the past week and a half, we only have the kitchen and trim left to paint (finally removed the last of the wallpaper last night), staples and carpet tack strips to pull from the wood floors, linoleum to remove from the kitchen and breakfast area, then sanding and sealing the hardwood in the bedrooms and office. Yesterday, a friend at work asked me if i'd like a free 32" Sony Trinitron TV that his parents were getting rid of. Gee, let me think....um, sure. So now I have a TV for the living room or my bedroom, if I can lug the 200lb beast up the stairs. sweet. The floors in the kitchen and "theatre" are getting measured today for new vinyl and carpet.

I tried 5 times to upload pictures, but blogger is being difficult. Will add them later.

tag, you're it!

Three things that scare me.
1. Caves
2. Needles
3. Goats (I just don't trust them)

Three people who make me laugh.
1. Bri (when she used words and phrases like "redonkulous" and "crazy as a moon chicken")
2. Will Ferrell
3. Steve Carrell

Three things I hate.
1. Freakin' wallpaper
2. Allergies
3. Hopelessly tangled speaker wires

Three things I am doing right now.
1. Acting like I am working diligently (I've mastered this)
2. Thinking about linoleum
3. Wishing it was October (Catalyst, here we come!)

Three things I want to do before I die.
1. Sing in front of a screaming crowd (hopefully not screamed because i'm bad)
2. Climb a mountain
3. Raise a happy family (sappy, i know)

Three things I can do.
1. Taxidermy
2. Mix random ingredients into a delightful meal
3. Make the most of any situation

Three ways to describe my personality.
1. Easy-going
2. Laughable
3. Determined

Three things I can’t do.
1. A flawlessly executed kartwheel.
2. Breathe under water
3. Knit

Three things I think you should listen to.
1. Kids-they're funny when they don't even try.
2. People with life experience-not just an education.
3. Rob Bell

Three favorite foods.
1. Chicken
2. Chicken
3. Chicken

Three shows I watched as a kid.
1. Animaniacs
2. X-Files
3. He-Man

Three people I tag.
http://mediumgreen.blogspot.com/
http://blandthought.blogspot.com/
http://swishthedish.blogspot.com/

Memoirs of a Ganschow (and other obscure movie references)

I few dozen blogs ago, I posted a list of things that I am fond of and not so fond of. At the top of the list of things that drive me berserk was the Dodge Neon. I just hate them and I can’t explain why. However, home ownership has now brought to light something far more sinister.

WALLPAPER.

Who the “h” invented this crap? Seriously. Let’s take some 1,000 year Ultra-Bond and permanently cement the most heinous floral pattern onto this wall (especially into every crevice that will be utterly impossibly to remove with a scraper, trowel, or jack hammer). Sometimes I honestly feel it would be easier to take it off with a claw hammer and put up a new wall. Or burn it down. Or go totally “trailer” and just paint over it.

Other than that, the improvement are going well (and draining all financial reserves).

And I’ve replaced my blood with a caffeine-laced substance resembling maple syrup to keep me going at the office after long nights at Yellow House.

And I think I’m going to change the name of my blog to “Memoirs of a Ganschow.”

Boosts energy, makes you taste colors...

So I'm trying this new diet where all I eat is the following product:

No wonder those people on Chinese game shows are always so hyper!

House=Work.

It was a crazy, messy, fun, tiring weekend at the new house. 8 rooms now have either been painted, stripped of wall paper, primed, or a combination of these. Hopefully all painting will be done by this weekend so I can start tearing up the stained and disgusting carpet and linoleum in preparation of floor restoration.

Are we there yet?

A special thanks to Mr. Eric Potter, who snuck into the house in the wee hours of Saturday morning to paint the breakfast room before I could get there...
To my parents for all of their hard work painting and for bringing down the food to keep us going!
To Beth Bernard for helping me prime and paint yesterday afternoon!
To everyone who came over for the feast on Friday evening...

And of course, to my wonderful BRI for all of her hard work, endless ideas, and determination!
She stayed at the house Friday night after everyone left and painted until 5am! Then she came back after sleeping for a few hours and worked until 2am Sunday (then worked all day at he mall). Love you Bri!!!

This is funny...if it's fraudulent.

Another examiner got a new file yesterday where a lady is alleging she was eating some delicious Mickey Dee's food while driving. She suddenly began vomiting, passed out, and crashed her car.

Sounds very unfortunate right?

This is just speculation, but experience tell me that THIS is what actually happened: The claimant has no car insurance, was most likely driving drunk, wrecked her car, and is now looking for deep pockets to pay her bills.

I'll keep you posted.

Gathering Tonight.

Friends:
7pm tonight at Yellow House. There will be feasting and fellowship. If you are reading this, you are invited. I'm cooking some fresh goose and dove, but if you'd like to bring snacks and beverages, it would be much appreciated. Wall paper removal and painting begins tomorrow if you would like to help! See you soon.

1014 E. Elmhurst

Performance Review

Yesterday afternoon, my boss came over and asked if he could speak with me for a few minutes in the conference room. I said sure. What else could I say?

I walked into the room ahead of him, he entered, closed the door, and asked me to have a seat.

Still standing, with a stack of papers in hand he stared at me and said, “Radio Shack fires people through email, but I have the dignity to do it in person.” Blank stare, no expression.


Then he burst out laughing.
And told me I was “awesome.”

That’s why I love my job. Well, like it…sometimes.

DL

Anyone know where I can get a robot arm? After years of arm wrestling, weight lifting, wall climbing, moutain biking, wild boar hunting, etc., my right arm officially has a partially torn bicep. I didn't even do it while doing something cool or dangerous like knife fighting or kangaroo boxing. All I did was throw a softball. Not cool. Not cool at all.

Doctor said I can't throw for 2-3 weeks. ouch.

Winged Weekend.

What a weekend! I went hunting with my dad and uncle and some of their friends Saturday and Sunday. While dove hunting Saturday, we all limited out (15 birds a piece) within 3 hours! I think I shot 3 and a half boxes of shells. My jaw was a little sore by the end of the afternoon from all the recoil, but it was a blast. Literally. I got a lot on video with the helmet cam.

Sunday we went goose hunting. My dad’s best friend’s wife owns a golf course up by Utica, IL. Across the road are a couple of ponds and a cabin that they also own. The geese like to fly between the cabin and the lakes on the golf course. Geese on a golf course don’t make anyone happy. Hunting geese makes us happy. Therefore, it is logical that shooting geese on or near the golf course should make everyone happy, right?

Our morning began bright and early, with the guys calling over an impressive spread of decoys. However, nothing came in. At about 9:30, we decided to take a drive over to the course to see if there were any birds hanging out in the water hazards. We had no more than loaded up in the truck and pulled out from under the trees by the cabin when a flock of 7 honkers came in right over top of us and locked up their wings to land right in the decoys! My uncle threw the truck in reverse and hunters rolled out of the bed and doors. Like ants, everybody crept up to the cabin (where the guns were locked up) in single-file trying not to be spotted by the geese that were now wandering around looking at the decoys. Once inside, it was a mad dash for guns and ammo. 2 guys slipped back out the door and around one side of the building, while the other 3 went out the other way. Then everyone ran for the decoys. The geese all took off at once. None escaped. It was beautifully executed.

About an hour later we got a call from the golf course. There were birds on the 4th hole. With bow and arrows in hand, we boarded two golf carts and headed across the fairways, dodging golf balls. When we got to the water’s edge, the geese took off from the bank and started swimming for the middle. Now you would think that most people would be impressed by a 30-40 yard shot on a target as small as a goose with a bow. However, there were 2 golfers nearby that were less than thrilled. And we heard about it. But there are now 3 less geese to plant “landmines” on the greens. Sorry fellas.

Then we had to get a boat, haul it across the course in the back of a truck and paddle out to retrieve the birds and slew of arrows. It was an impressive sight to say the least. And it’s all on video.

oh it gets better (or worse).

I got a call on a typical broken tooth from a bone chip in a hamburger patty (I get about 3 of these a week, so if you frequent McD's, chew carefully). I always ask how they discovered and preserved the object, as it is important for forensic analysis.


Normal answers are: 1. I spit it out and saved it.
OR
2. I threw it away (destruction of evidence).

When I asked this woman if she spit it out after her injury, she said "not exactly."
"So you swallowed it?"
"Yes."
"But you still have the object?"
"Yes."
"I see."
The retrieval method involved a clothespin and plastic gloves.
Talk about determination.
She's sending to me in the mail.
sweet.

Would you like to SuperSize that?

One of our Senior Claims Examiners just came over and showed me some pictures an attorney sent him of an opened McD’s burger with an unusual “condiment” sitting atop the meat patty . At first I thought it was just an onion and was confused as to why he came over to show me a photos of a sandwich.

Then I realized it was no onion. All I’ll say is that it was the same color and shape as an onion slice, about 1.5’’ in diameter, had rolled edges, and was made of latex.

I seriously almost hurled in my garbage can…but at least it wasn’t used.

But still…

For your viewing pleasure...

I took all of these while I worked at wildlife prairie park. Most were taken while doing my graduate research on the deer.

Something I can't explain...

There’s something about music that I can’t explain. In nearly every culture around the world, people use music to celebrate, to relax, to worship, and to mourn. What is it about the vibration of air created by striking metal, wood, string, or hide that stirs the soul? What purpose does it serve in the evolution of our species? Is creating music a behavior that would have aided in natural selection? If not, why and how did it come about?

Regardless of whether the music is orchestral, rock, jazz, pop or polka, the simple fact that such noises are produced from the rocks and trees should be enough to even put atheists in a state of awe and wonder.

These thoughts come as a result of listening to two amazing groups of musicians at Northwoods over the past two weekend, “Sleeping at Last” & “The Nathan Peterson Band.” I can’t stop listening to them. Both have incredible talent and a powerful message. Check them out here, NPB: http://www.nathanpetersonband.com/home.html or (if you have myspace, http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=31597275
) AND Sleeping at Last: http://www.sleepingatlast.com/ or
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=2236166 .

More on Jesus 2.

Here is the video from the Today show. insane.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=037HvQ1TyGM

False Prophet MUCH?

I heard a brief news headline about this guy as I was getting ready for work this morning so I looked into it while bored out of my gourd at work.

Please check out this website for more insight http://www.rickross.com/groups/creciendo.html, but apparently this guy claims he is the Second coming of Christ and that all modern Christianity is preaching the “wrong gospel.” You can also see a video here:

Check out his claims:

When De Jesús founded Creciendo en Gracia in a Hialeah warehouse 20 years ago, he claimed a few hundred followers. As his movement and reputation grew, so did his title. In 1988, he announced he was the reincarnation of the Apostle Paul. In 1999, he dubbed himself "the Other," a spiritual super-being who would pave the way for Christ's second coming. In 2004, he proclaimed himself to be Jesus Christ and the sole interpreter of the gospel.

His doctrines are bizarre. He tells his followers they can live any way they want to because sin doesn't exist and the devil is dead. He also teaches that Christian churches are led by "ministers of Satan," and he encourages members of his organization to stage protests at church services and Christian events. Creciendo en Gracia members are encouraged to scream at people and carry placard with messages such as "THE DEVIL WAS DESTROYED."

"I don't study the Bible," he said, chuckling. "I don't go into rooms for prayer. Who am I going to pray to?"

Over the past five months, Creciendo en Gracia parishioners have held at least 40 protests in more than a dozen countries. And De Jesus says this is just the beginning. "My purpose," he explains, "is to close down every church so the true church can begin. You could say I'm leading the greatest reformation that has ever happened."

De Jesús fits the classic profile of an egotistical religious con man. He lives in a mansion, drives a BMW, wears lots of diamonds and spends $300,000 a year on bodyguards. Meanwhile many of his staff volunteer their time and give up to 80 percent of their income to the church.

What is most alarming about Creciendo en Gracia is the level of blind loyalty his followers display. The group's Web site proclaims: "We are going to shut the mouths of those dogs [speaking of Christian churches.] We are ready to give our lives for this!"


The scary part? He’s got supporters and the supporters have money. Any they’re giving it all to this guy. $MILLIONS$. They actually believe him. And from what I’ve read, he’s taking the claims of Christ and totally re-writing them to make it perfectly acceptable to be materialistic, self-centered, egomaniacal, sinners without any consequences. Keep your eyes out for these folks…

i suck.

I’ve been sickly ever since returning from the McDonald’s conference in Chicago last Wednesday. I think the endless activity and travel of the weekend consumed the reminder of my energy reserve and yesterday I finally caved to the cooties that have attacked my immune system. I went home from work at 10:30am and stayed in bed until 6:30 this morning. I’m hoping the 18 hours of sleep resulted in my body winning the war on micro-terror raging inside me.

Softball is at 6pm. I think I can do it. maybe.

3 Weekends, 3 Weddings. Done.

Wedding season is now over for me. Whew! Peoria, Joliet, Tennessee. It’s been fun, but also harsh on the ole’ bank account. This past weekend was a blast. I finally got to meet some of Bri’s family! It was great to hang out with them and get a little dirt on the Bri-ster. I especially liked her grandparents, who live near D.C. Her grandfather (a.k.a. Papa Bear) worked for the feds for over 30 years in the military and FAA, and now is an independent consultant for airline insurance companies and travels all over the world to inspect aircraft. Cool.
We made the 7.5 hour trip back yesterday and got to Northwoods just in time to catch a concert by an awesome band called “Sleeping at Last.” Check them out! They sound a lot like Coldplay. I was completely exhausted from driving all day (on top of being in a self-induced allergy medicine coma for day 4 of a sinus nightmare) but it was fun to see all the Reality people again. I couldn’t wait to be sleeping at last (ha), but when I finally got to bed, I couldn’t sleep. I had dream after dream involving insurance claims. Literal nightmare. And now I’m living it. Oh well.

Another note: closing date on the house has been moved up to Sept. 8th. I think we’re having a little celebration and you ALL are invited. That’s right, I just invited the world. It may involve tearing off wallpaper and painting and ripping up carpet, so it’s going to be FUN!!!

I need a roommate.

Are you or anyone you know looking for somewhere to live? As you may know, I recently purchased a home and am now looking for a roommate. You can move in October 1! Please let me know ASAP if you are interested so we can go over details. Thanks!

This is what I've always dreamed of...

The Litter Robot Turns Cat Litter Into Easter EggsIf you've got a cat that weighs more than 5 pounds, this Litter Robot will turn his waste into little pre-packaged eggs for you to easily throw away—no more pee covered hands.
Your cat goes into the spaceship-like ball to do his business, steps out, and his droppings automatically get turned into little red and yellow balls of delight. A few caveats though. A cat more than 15 pounds most likely won't fit into the sphere, and diabetic cats make urine clumps that are too large. Then there's elderly and skittish cats, who won't like to get in the sphere in the first place.
If your cat meets all the qualifications, you can pick up a Litter Robot for 299 ($570).

My question is, can you then eat the eggs? Because that would be well-worth the investment. I love chickens because they are delicious and they produce nutricious eggs. If Cougar could also produce eggs, that would make him even greater!

ho hum.

I don’t think I mentioned this before, but a couple of weeks ago I was parked in front of Bri’s house and became the victim of a hit-and-run accident. Some cowardly fiend hit the rear driver’s side fender and bumper of my red car with their white jalopy and drove away into the night. When I discovered the damage, I was more insulted and annoyed than anything else, as paint on the sheet metal is only scuffed and the molding is just missing a few spots of paint and suffered a few small scratches. In other words, I can fix some of it myself, and the rest I can live with. But I decided to turn it into my insurance anyway, as I am entitled. I got a check for $640 for the damage.

I’ve been needing new tires VERY badly for quite some time and had just scratched up enough money for them before having to put money down on this house that was too good to pass up. So I was back to broke. And then my car got hit. And I got money. So this morning I got a new set of tires to the tune of $575.

So thank you, villainous criminal o’ the night for my new set of tires. They are lovely.

wHy nOt.

I saw this on "post secret" and couldn't help myself.



Another reason cats are better: dogs eat their vomit.

Is it monday already?

Wow, what a weekend…
My best friend, Corey, got married on Saturday night at the Cornerstone here in Peoria. It was beautiful and fun to see two people so in love finally (after almost 8 years of dating) joined! Amy’s dad performed the ceremony, which he wrote and has now performed at each of his three daughters’ weddings. The lovely couple left this morning for Cabo San Lucas. Lucky ducks.



Yesterday, we took the high school kids to Lake Shelbyville and I think it’s safe to say I had more fun than should be allowed. It was my first experience on a jet ski and I am HOOKED. I loved launching off the big wakes of ski boats, whipping 180’s and occasionally dumping it to throw the rider. It’s just such a free feeling being in complete control of a small craft on the water-kind of like mtn. biking-but wetter. The only thing I could think of that would be owning a couple of these things is knowing a close friend who does!

yellow house.

here are some pics of the new crib.



more at: http://www.tradersrealty.com/search/listing.asp?mls=1076731&LoggedIn=Yes&Type=&LM=True

It's Official.

I am a home owner. I made the first offer after going through the house with my realtor and family on tuesday. I offered the owner the asking price if they would just cover the closing costs. And they said no! I couldn't believe it. So I put in another offer for them to cover 1/2 of the closing costs. And they said yes! Closing is on Sept. 15th. I want to do some interior work before I move in, so I'll be refinishing the hardwood floors (under carpet and linoleum) in the kitchen and bedrooms, and painted a couple rooms if anyone would like to help. Thanks for all your prayers and support!

p.s. cats have 18 toes, 5 on each front food and 4 on each back foot.

CAT FEET!

how many toes do cats have?



p.s. I should know tomorrow if I got the house. Making a new offer to counter the counter-offer in 5 minutes. Say a quick prayer if you want. and then i'll make you a hot dog.

Wisdom, Guidance, and Patience Needed

So last night at dinner a close friend told me he had a deal for me that I couldn't pass up. He's a realtor and has been very slyly moving his friends closer and closer to he and his wife by finding killer deals on houses in their neighborhood. He and our high school Pastor have ajoining back yards and now the house directly across the street is up for sale (it actually goes on the market monday). It belongs to the mother of one of our high school students, who is a buddy of mine (we got baptized on the same night). It is also yellow. Bri has always wanted a yellow house. I'm ready to move out of the bachelor pad on Burncrest (sad), as I can no longer stand the disorder that comes from living with 3 other guys and a cat. In addition, one of my friends from work is looking for a new place to live and we've previously talked about the possibility of me buying a house and him renting from me. The house is 1.8 miles from work.

There are so many signs that make this sound so right. I know there are a lot of possibilities and what if's and maybe I'm just excited about the potential. I need some time to pray and reflect and listen.

15 things i do when i should be working.

1. Blogging (apparently you do too)
2. www.myspace.com (posting and reading comments and listening to music)
3. www.imdb.com (internet movie data base)-tons of info about movies, tv shows, etc.
4. www.blockbuster.com (renting movies online that I found interesting on imdb)
5. planning my post-work work-out
6. daydreaming about ice cream (bar, cone, flurry, scoop, or “other” form)
7. jamming to mp3s on the iRiver (iPod hater)
8. talking to Bri on the phone
9. counting ceiling tiles
10. emailing from 5 accounts (dork)
11. laughing hysterically while listening to audio clips from www.ebaumsworld.com
12. watching minutes tick off the clock (this is very boring and I don’t recommend it)
13. talking to myself with a headset on to give the appearance that I’m working
14. conducting experiments to see how much coffee I can drink before using the restroom (very exciting)
15. looking for a new job

Authenticity

I’d like to start by saying Charlie gave a great message this weekend at Nexus on journey vs. destination. To sum it up: our focus and ambition should be on the way we live our lives and serve others along the way instead of “just getting our butt into heaven.” Which brings me to today’s topic, authenticity.

It’s easy to talk the talk. Anyone can do it. But to really be authentic when you “Christian” friends aren’t watching is something that takes time and an intentional mentality. It requires you to constantly review your actions, thoughts, etc. and question whether they are in-line with your beliefs. It’s fascinating to watch someone new in their faith walk transform from someone who just comes to a church service once in awhile to someone who earnestly seeks God and to meet others where they’re at. I know I went through it and I think a lot of the high school guys I volunteer with are experiencing the same thing. It’s great to see kids in their most vulnerable age who are not afraid to be themselves and not fear what others think.

Authenticity is key to the journey. Who are you when you walk out the doors of the church? Who are you when you are at work or at school? On Saturday nights? If you can’t be authentic before others, how can you be authentic before God?

Look what I can do!

Just as a little reminder, God puts his name on his creation from time to time. This time, it was on an alligator. Read the TRUE story here: http://www.wastedblog.com/viewcontent.php?AlwaysUseFrame=1&IdContent=3553 .

Assault with a deadly vegetable?

MONROE, Conn. - A 46-year-old man is accused of assaulting his wife with a carrot, causing her to lose sight in one eye. Roderick Vecsey is charged with second-degree assault and disorderly conduct.

Pamela Vecsey, 46, underwent six hours of surgery after being hit in the left eye with the vegetable Saturday night, but doctors were not able to restore her vision, prosecutor Stephanie Damiani said.

The couple was arguing when Roderick Vecsey tossed the carrot, Damiani said.
Roderick Vecsey told Judge Patrick Carroll that it was a terrible accident and was advised to remain silent.

The judge set a hearing for Thursday. Vecsey is currently free after posting $500 bond.

totally gnarly.

Cougar is the most talented surfing cat i have EVER met. just look at the fearlessness and determination in his eyes!

Fast Food Conspiracy

As is evident, I often question the aptitude of most of the claimants I deal with on a daily basis. Today however, I was taken aback by the actions of the employees of a McD store in Florida…
An elderly couple from Tennessee was vacationing in Florida and decided to stop for a bite to eat. As the woman was sliding into her seat, the under-railing of the table, which was not properly secured to the table top caught and ripped her skirt. Her husband went up to the counter and informed an employee of the incident. The young lady said she’d get the manager and walked through the dining area and knocked on the office door, between the two restroom doors. She did not go in, but returned to the claimant’s table and said the manager would be with them in five minutes. After 10 minutes passed with no manager, the gentleman went back to the counter and told a different employee he was still waiting to speak with a manager about the situation. This guy also proceeded to pass through the dining room and knock on the same office door, only to return with the same response, “he’ll be with you in five minutes.” And again, five minutes passed with no manager.
Now fed up, the gentleman decided to take the matter into his own hands and knocked on the manager’s door himself. As he waited for an answer, an employee walked out of the adjacent men’s room carrying a ladder and asked the claimant if he needed assistance. He told the young man that he was waiting for the manager. Confused, the employee said the manager would not be in there, because that was not the office and was, in fact a storage closet.
Now upset, the claimant got the restaurant owner’s name off of a plaque and asked for a phone number. Another employee said the owner would call him the following day. So, he waited. No call. He returned to the restaurant with a camera to gather evidence. An employee changing the garbage saw him taking pictures (although they had already replaced the table) and as the claimant was walking back to his car, the guy stopped him and said the owner was inside and wanted to talk to him. The claimant hesitated, but decided to go back in and settle things.
Again, he was asked to wait for the owner. And then he was told the owner was now too busy to talk with him. So he filed a claim.
All this for $25. I wrote him a check.

of wolves and deer...

some of my wildlife photography is still posted on the Wildlife Prairie Park web-site. check it out.

http://www.wildlifeprairiestatepark.org/Members/Member's%20Gallery%20Winter%2005.pdf

You need to know:

Things I like	Things I hate
10. Water shoes	10. Words that aren’t spelled like they sound
9. In-dash dvd players with touch screens	9. Watermelon seeds
8. Holiday pay	8. Fake laughter (usually while on the phone)
7. Ice cream with candy bars in it	7. Chewy potatoes
6. Zombie movies	6. Messes
5. New car smell	5. Rabbit fur (allergic)
4. Post-workout laziness	4. Burlap
3. Chicken	3. Non-sanded wood decks
2. Cougar (my cat)	2. Insurance claims
1. Bri (girlfriend, not cheese)	1. Dodge Neons

the cosmic battle

Last night I went to a small gathering of people from a church in East Peoria. The group is going through a video series on truth and the topic last night was evil-where did it come from. It got the wheels turning...

One of the main arguments atheists or non-Christians keep in their arsenal is if God created everything, and everything is therefore good, where did evil come from? Humanists also believe that mankind is inherently good and that evil is some un-natural apparition that comes about from corrupt society. They say that if man was left to his own devices and could focus on just pleasing himself, that there would be no evil. And finally, if there is no God, we are the products of evolution and natural selection.

While I am by no means an expert, this area has always interested me because of the way the public/secular education system preaches evolution and philosophical theories as truths. Here is an attempt to address questions raised by the humanists…

Our first account of evil in the bible is the story of Cain and Able, where the former slew the latter. Before the fall in the garden, there was no evil in man. So I agree with the humanists that man was originally inherently good. Evil was introduced in the form of sin through self-awareness after satan tricked Adam and Eve.

If man is still naturally good, why is murder a part of every society, “civilized” or otherwise? And if evil is the product of corrupt societies, as the humanists claim, what makes those societies corrupt? People, right? There is no other alternative. If we are inherently good, why do we have a conscious that tells us that doing “evil” things is bad? By their school of thought, there would be no need for a conscious. And if we are simply the products of evolution, natural selection would have weeded out individuals with the genetic makeup for having a conscious-those individuals would not have been able to kill in the wild to survive. It is completely contradictory.

If the only meaning in life is to please and care for the self, why do we put more value on the life of a human than the life of a fly, or a flower, or anything other than our own species?

Just the tip of the iceberg…

now that it's out of my system i can laugh...

as soon as i posted the previous message, i got an email from a friend in the property unit that said:

"I got a new McHell loss in, customer shot the COD with a pistol because he was upset with his service….no video or witnesses"

gotta love that..."i said no mustard!! kapow kapow kapow. Take that you metal box that produces the simulated voice of the person that can't push the right buttons to make me a 99 cent disc of horse meat!"

I also watched a surveillance video yesterday of a mickey dee's employee spitting in the face of a customer through the drive thru window because he kept changing his order. His response: after trying to come in through the window after her, he charged into the store and made several attempts to lunge behind the counter yelling that he was going to put a bullet in her head.

seriously people, there is more to life than greasy, low-quality, carb-laden, artery-clogging, eat-and-poop food.

Do you ever stop and just take it all in? I’ve been doing that a lot lately while on the job. As I’ve mentioned before, this job in claims is kind of like taking a canoe out on the sea with one oar. Sometimes the waves are overwhelming (usually floods the boat with claims after a weekend) and the rest of the time (the majority of the time), I paddle in circles. Therefore, I spend several hours each day whacking myself in the head with the oar thinking, WHAT AM I DOING HERE? I hope there is more to my future than sitting at this desk, talking to these hillbillies about how a McNugget broke their only remaining tooth.

So…
1. I’m an outdoors personality trapped in an environment of florescent sunlight, ozone spewing copy machines and formaldehyde-laced office furniture and carpet.
2. I’m a people person, but I’d like to be impacting lives in a manner that doesn’t involve fraudulent rednecks and a telephone.
3. I have come to hate the “golden arches” and any fast-food joint with a new found passion. I didn’t eat there before and now I cringe every time I pass one. “Over 99 billion served,” huh? How many billion sued because they are unemployed, uninsured, and think that everyone else owes them?

My canoe has a leak? Anybody have an extra paddle?

and is it friday yet?

What's your Theological View?

You scored as Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan. You are an evangelical in the Wesleyan tradition. You believe that God's grace enables you to choose to believe in him, even though you yourself are totally depraved. The gift of the Holy Spirit gives you assurance of your salvation, and he also enables you to live the life of obedience to which God has called us. You are influenced heavly by John Wesley and the Methodists. Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan 89% Emergent/Postmodern 75% Neo orthodox 75% Fundamentalist 61% Charismatic/Pentecostal 61% Classical Liberal 57% Modern Liberal 54% Reformed Evangelical 46% Roman Catholic 32% http://quizfarm.com/test.php?q_id=43870

19 days...

In honor of July 25th, 2006, the release date for Season 1 of the Animaniacs on DVD...

(for those not well-versed in the greatest cartoon ever created, Pinky and the Brain are scheming lab rats)

Brain: It proved that radio was a powerful tool. And now, Pinky, the advance of technology has brought us an even more powerful tool. Do you know what that is?
Pinky: Ummm... the rubber band?

Brain: Do you realize what we will do with this pollen, Pinky?
Pinky: Ummm... open a boutique?
Brain: Yes, that's it. We'll open a boutique and sell ladies' clothing and pollen.

Brain: Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?
Pinky: I think so, Brain, but if we didn't have ears we'd look like weasels.

Brain: Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?
Pinky: I think so, Brain, but burlap chafes me so.

Brain: Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?
Pinky: I think so, Brain, but where are we going to find a duck and a garden hose at this time of night?

Brain: Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?
Pinky: I think so, Brain, but where are we gonna find a tattoo parlor that's open at this time of night?

you have got to be kidding.

All of us have braced ourselves for the coming onslaught of claims after the holiday weekend. We are currently in the calm before the storm, but my boss just came over with a claim he assigned me. It reads:
"Clmt alleges becoming ill after eating 4 double cheeseburgers. He says he can no longer drink alcohol like he used to or have sex."

seriously, why is this MY problem?

it's going to be an interesting monday/wednesday.

WACKY Wednesday.

Yesterday was in a word, insane. I was “cussed-out” by a furious claimant because I’m not paying to fix his van that he claims was damaged while driving into the parking lot because it is physically impossible to have occurred the way he has described. (deep breath) I’ve actually denied the claim several times now. So after he called me every name in the book and I hung up on Mr. Jerko, he called my boss and used a few choice adjectives on him. Frank doesn’t tolerate this, so he also hung up on him. Then Synonym-for-donkey-man called our V.P. Good luck.

That was just the beginning. Another guy insisted that he was taking his story to the news because he was served an undercooked burger and “the public needs to know.” That’s all well and good, Mr. Vigilante, except you were not sick, you had no medical treatment, and therefore, no evidence of any problem with the food. If there is something wrong with a product, it’s not going to be ONE hamburger that’s affected. They grill them 6 at a time and sold almost 200 that day. You’re the only one with a “problem.” So go tell it on the mountain, buddy, I’m sure the news has nothing better to cover.

A lady who told me she is a Nashville recording artist (from Arkansas) said her Godson was eating at McD and found a fly in his burger. There are many MANY details of her story that make absolutely no sense, but I’ll only highlight the most entertaining. First, she said the fly was inside the meat, but was intact. Hamburgers are made from ground meat, ma’am. That means that the fly would have also been ground up in the process. The kid didn’t eat any of the fly and yet she claims he’s very ill, has been to the ER twice, couldn’t celebrate his birthday because he was sick. She wouldn’t even let me talk to the little tyke….who is 20 years old. She is also too disgusted and physically sickened by the matter and doesn’t think either of them will EVER be able to eat fast food again...
You’re welcome.

Finally, (this is my fav) another examiner got a claim from some loon that our insured restaurant put specially designed glass fragments into his food intentionally. These were “engineered” to be undetectable while eating the food, but are now cutting into his intestines and causing internal bleeding. Some people have too much time on their hands.

Urgent!

I have decided that the time has come. The time has come that we must embrace a reality that most of us have rejected, either intentionally or as a subconscious action because we are afraid of what it might mean. We turn away and close the doors of our mind because what we have been made to believe is not the whole truth. We have been led astray…

What is this deep secret, you ask? The answer may be staring you in the face at this very moment. Or maybe it “lives” next door. Maybe it’s your boss…or someone you pass on the street every morning…an overly-efficient and emotionless colleague. Maybe it’s in your cell phone or iPod. Or maybe it’s inside your head.

This unspeakable thing, this conspiracy that our government has been covering up for generations is that robots have come to live among us. They are everywhere. Please contact me as soon as HUMANLY possible to purchase robot insurance. This will protect you, your family, and your biological way of life!

this is good.

So, yesterday my buddy Jordan got an obviously false claim that a lady had found an insect head in her hamburger. It's a common question to ask how they discovered a foreign object in the product, since most people just shovel it in without carefully examining every delectable bite (i am speaking from experience here). so he asked... She said she saw the bugs "antlers" sticking out of her sandwich.

maybe it was a deer tick.


I also learned it costs $250 to have an emergency cleaning for the trunk of your $60,000 Cadillac if you drive 50 miles with a bag full of food in the back and au jus spills everywhere because you are an idiot.

pony?

this pretty much made my day.

Veritas.

What bothers me the most about this job is the same thing that is fundamentally wrong with humans these days: TRUTH, or more specifically, an avoidance of it. If people would take responsibility for their own actions this world would be a much more pleasant place to live. Why is it that when people don’t get their way or they make a mistake, they automatically look for someone else to blame and compensate them for their own shortcomings. It makes no sense! Furthermore, why does our legal system support this?! It only encourages more irresponsibility, corruption, and manipulation. I just don’t understand.

More Darwinian Delights.

While these are not any of my claims, they are amusing, nonetheless. I did however, have a lady try to file a claim for breaking a dental crown on a chicken bone last week. The catch? It was a bone in a chicken wing. You can't just eat the whole thing ma'am, you only eat the meat. sorry.

enjoy.

When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked...

The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to beltway had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)

A thief burst into a Florida bank one day wearing ski mask and carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, "FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A ****-UP!" For a moment, everyone was silent then the snickers started. The security guard completely lost it and doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life, because he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't have drawn and fired before the thief got him. The thief ran away and is still at large. In memory of the event, the banker later put a plaque on the wall engraved with the words, "Freeze, mother-stickers, this is a ****-up!"

Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man orderedonion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER! When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

bowhunting skills

ok, this is totally random, but i just came across this picture from the latest wild boar hunting trip to texas and thought i needed to post it to prove my totally excellent bow hunting skills. I stuck this raccoon at 25 yards in the dark while I was sitting in a tripod stand. sweet. (sorry if you are against hunting)

Last blog of the day, i promise...

Today I was reconnected with an old friend…with someone who was instrumental in guiding me to where I am today in my walk with Jesus. Someone who is for lack of a better word, a mentor. Someone who has remained faithful and loyal to God no matter what cards he was dealt. He was there when I first met Jesus. I had known who God was as I was growing up, but I didn’t really KNOW Him. I was just an infant in this relationship and God called him away to another church. I haven’t spoken with him in two years, but today we were reunited.

Lately I’ve been feeling empty. I’m not sure why, but I just felt like I was drifting off the coast of a vast ocean, unable to paddle back to shore. I’ve been waking up exhausted after a full night’s sleep. I’ve had aches and pains that feel like my age has suddenly doubled. And just last night I realized that I have been running myself into the ground with my job, work at home, and trying to please everyone all the time. I just can’t do it. Let me rephrase-I can’t do anything without Jesus. And that’s why this has all come about. I’ve taken Him out of my schedule….

I go to church a few times a week. But that’s not enough. He needs more. Time for just the two of us. I need Him and I have decided to spend a little less time and energy on other stuff and more on Him.

When I came across Randy’s blog this morning, my entire outlook on the day changed. The sun was brighter, the time clock moved a little faster, and my heart was a little lighter. God is good. He gives and takes away, but he is ALWAYS faithful. He comforts, He reassures, and He never ceases to amaze me!

McMigraine update.

This is great...sort of. The lady from claim #3 in my previous post "McMigraines," has filed suite. I wonder if her attorney knows that she spilled the soup in her own lap after she had taken it out of the bag, where it was safely and securely placed by the insured employee? Either way, I'm offering a settlement of $000000.00. Thank you and have a lovely day.

Best news of the month.

This morning, while hard at work, I discovered the most uplifting news! The beloved animated series from 1993, "Animaniacs," is going to be released on dvd July 25, 2006. I LOVED this show as a kid and even signed a petition to Warner Bros. to have it put out on dvd last year. This is a great day in American history!

"What are we going to do tonight Brain?" "The same thing we do every night, Pinkie,....try to take over the world..."

Go G-dub!

Finally, Bush does something nice for the world...
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/13300363/

REALITY hurts.

Yesterday evening we had a cookout for the high school ministry, "Reality." There was food galore, football, bocce ball, ultimate frisbee, and an inflatable obstacle course and jousting arena. Everyone had a great time and we met a bunch of new kids! Very exciting. However, I realized that I'm not quite as youthful or resilient as I once was. Point in case: while running cross-field to catch a football, I was unable to stop when I came to the out-of-bounds (the forest). Hence, I went head-first into an 8 foot tall thorn bush and fell completely through it. I now look like I have been mauled by a pack of hungry alley cats while wearing a suit made of tuna. Point #2, after making a bold and powerful swing at a kid on the jousting game, I took a very solid hit to the back of the head from his stick. Who needs helmets anyway? Wow, I saw stars. And finally, when I woke up this morning I was so sore and stiff I could hardly move. I blame ultimate frisbee.

How is it going to be when I'm 30?!

Seriously though, it was awesome.

Z.E.C.O.T.U.A.C.I.

This morning I was assigned a claim for the church with the longest name ever: Zion Evangelical Church of the Unaltertered Augsburg Confessions Incorporated.

I think it's hilarious, but then again, at this job it doesn't take much to amuse me.

The Mighty Hunter

Cougar has now successfully captured 3 chipmunks from our yard. He is apparently a sportsman though because he hasn't killed any of them. He just catches them and carries them to the door of the house, trying to bring them inside. Apparently he thinks he can safely play with them there without the danger of his prey escaping back into a burrow, which is exactly what happens when he's outside. very VERY amusing.

Upgrades...in frustration.

So I previously posted about a bunch of work i'm doing on my car. On the list of things to do for this week were to: change fuel filter and oil/oil filter, install new grille insert, install new custom tail lights, fix door, replace brake pads. I planned on doing all of that last night, as the rest of my nights are booked. So, after 3.5 hours I accomplished the following: changed fuel filter and installed 1/2 grille inserts. Why are things so difficult? I should rephrase: why are things so impossibly frustrating. If companies would supply directions and parts that function as they claim, life would be much easier, but then where would the challenge be. After giving up on the grille and sleeping on it, I have a new idea and will try it out tonight after church.

Mt. Olympus

Last weekend I was privileged enough be accompany the high school ministry group from Northwoods to Mt. Olympus Water & Theme Park in the Wisconsin Dells. Besides having a great time at the park on a beautiful weekend, it was also a chance to connect with some great kids on a deeper level. Can I just say again that I LOVE these opportunities to serve?! Thank you!!

Lincoln Brewster in the Hiz-ous!!!

So last night Northwoods Community Church proved once again that it is the rocking-est church in the world! It was the volunteer celebration night and for a surprise they flew in Lincoln Brewster from California! He is definitely one of the most talented Christian artists out there and an AMAZING guitar player. He had the whole church rockin out! I've never left a church service with ringing ears until last night. Wow. Best surprise ever! then we got free icecream (also good). It's such an honor just to serve God, but to be rewarded for it in this way was awesome. I love NWCC!!

McMigraines

Highlights of the last two days.

1. A waitress spills a small quantity of iced tea that gets on the flap of a coach bag pocket. The purse is allegedly worth $400 new, but is 6 months old. Since it happened as a result of an employee, we offered to replace it, as long as the lady sent us the damaged property. She refused. After going back and forth between offers, she still would not give up the old purse (this is illegal, as giving her a new one and letting her keep the old one would be advancing her. We require the old one for salvage costs, as it could be resold "as is"). Now she has retained an attorney and is threatening suite if we don't buy her a new one and let her keep the old one. It's a freakin purse, lady!! Sue me!!

2. Another woman claims she was drinking orange juice (with a straw) and felt something go down her throat. Regardless of a supervisor, a manager, and a medical doctors' opinions that it was just orange pulp, she is convinced it was a roach or something else that could have "poisoned her body." She went to the ER for this and wants me to pay her bills. Sorry, no dice.

3. And finally (my favorite), a lady buys soup at a drive thru window and while the employee goes to get her some water, the lady takes the soup out of the bag, opens it up and spills it on her leg. When the employee comes back to the window, the lady says, "look what happened, I know you didn't mean to." Ok, if you take the product out of the bag, where it was safe and secure, open it up and pour it on yourself, it's YOUR fault. She then said it was too hot. Do you want COLD soup?! She parked her car and came into the store to talk to the manager. She showed him her leg, which was a little red, but not burned and she assured him she was fine. Now she is claiming that the soup was SO hot that it burned the leather seat in her 2002 Porsche and she needs it replaced. Come on...seriously? A liquid hot enough to burn leather would have caused major 3rd degree burns to her leg. At least be creative with your lies people! You aren't even challenging me anymore!!

Oh, on a lighter note, I just spoke with a lovely lady named Song Birdsing.