a new level of yuck

Just before leaving work yesterday, my boss called and asked me to come in early today to sample the influent flowing from the TCHD toilets to the "lagoon" where nature takes its course. I should be so honored.

Now, I'm sure everyone thinks being a health inspector is a glamorous and uplifting professional pursuit. They are wrong. It's not all french fries and watermelons.

Sampling a "normal" septic system is easy. You stick a little cup on a stick down a PVC pipe and pull out a sample after it has been treated. It's usually clear and odorless.
Sampling the lagoon is more like holding a bucket for 100 people to...well you get the picture. No pre-treatment. And then it goes into a picturesque little pond for the turtles and geese to play in.

I just wish it had to be done more than 3 times a day. In the rain.

lessons learned

Last night I came home from work to find Gina preparing dinner (because she's THAT awesome). She had spent the day with her mom and they made a meatloaf to surprise me. Gina looked adorable working in the kitchen and the tantalizing fragrance of roasting beef was something to behold. She shooed me away, asking me to relax while she got everything ready, as I had a long day at work. No sooner had I laid down on the couch that I heard an explosion in the kitchen, followed by the sound of shrapnel ricocheting of floors, counter tops, ceilings, and windows.

Apparently, adding water from the faucet to a 400F glass pan containing a slaved-over meal turns it into a Pyrex grenade in approximately .0052 seconds.

We're just lucky no one was injured.

Gina, thank you for the meal and for your hard work. I'm sure it would have been delicious!

And I'm forwarding this information on to the Department of Defense. I think we may have a new biological weapon on our hands.

in tune

last night at Reality, we had a 3 hour time of worship.

what a great reminder that in all the craziness of life, between the messes and the stresses and the noise, we need

silence.

to stop and listen to what HE is trying so hard to tell us.

Gina's the best!
Yesterday, while I was at work, she came over to the house and pulled all the weeds along one side of the driveway, transplanted the few flowers that had managed to grow there, and planted grass seed. She trimmed the entire yard with the weed whacker she let me borrow, and even bought me a couple of potted plants and a sprinkler for the yard! Either she's really sweet and caring, or she's trying to tell me something about the state of my landscaping affairs. Maybe a little of both. Either way, I appreciate her more every day-not just because of all the things she does, but because of all she is.
You Rock, Gina!

and Cougar is happy you brought him some delicious cat food too.

(disclaimer-the above picture looks nothing like my yard. but it's getting closer.)

German squirrel on a rampage injures 3 people

BERLIN - An aggressive squirrel attacked and injured three people in a German town before a 72-year-old pensioner dispatched the rampaging animal with his crutch.

The squirrel first ran into a house in the southern town of Passau, leapt from behind on a 70-year-old woman, and sank its teeth into her hand, a local police spokesman said on Thursday.

With the squirrel still hanging from her hand, the woman ran onto the street in panic, where she managed to shake it off.

The animal then entered a building site and jumped on a construction worker, injuring him on the hand and arm, before he managed to fight it off with a measuring pole.

"After that, the squirrel went into the 72-year-old man's garden and massively attacked him on the arms, hand and thigh," the spokesman said. "Then he killed it with his crutch."

The spokesman said experts thought the attack may have been linked to the mating season or because the squirrel was ill.

Dad Day Myths.

these were on PostSecret yesterday. I can't wait to create a chain of lies to entertain my children some day!

My dad used to say that inside of the car's air-bags was uncooked popcorn. When you wrecked the popcorn would pop and you would have a snack until help came.

When I was little, my dad told me ATMs worked by having little monkeys inside them. I believed that for years. Now I work in a bank, and wish it were true!

My dad told me the worst swear word you could possibly say was "Bostonian". It meant "someone who has no private parts." My brother and I used the word until we were teenagers and my father giggled every time we said it, right before he sent us to our rooms.

When i was little my dad told me that polyester was a small animal in australia & they would kill it to make clothes. That night i sat in my room reading the labels on my clothes for hours & threw all of the polyester ones away.

sweet, but too short

The weekend was good. It's always great to spend a day with family, and I'm so thankful to have a father who cares. Gina met my mom's side of the family. ALL of them-Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, cousin-in-laws, pets, etc. I don't think she was tooo traumatized.
We also spent some much needed time in the yard Sunday morning. My landscaping is...lacking, to say the least. I spent about 1.5 hours pulling dying Creeping Charlie that my dad sprayed the week before. It had completely over-run the back flower beds and was working its way up the yard to the back porch. If I had let it go any longer, it most likely would have engulfed the entire house. Gina's mom brought me a bunch of flowers and plants she dug out of her own yard to transplant. It looks 100% better already!
After the pool party last night, we dropped off my poor car at the body shop. Thanks again to Leslie for letting me borrow your car for the week!
Ok, it's monday. Time to give the appearance of diligent work...

grouchy irony

Every once and awhile, I catch a glimpse of my old job shining through-not in the routine of work, but in the brand of people I can't escape.

For example: there is a lady in our county who's parents developed an area of land around a lake/mosquito breeding pit. They leased the property to people to build houses/dilapidated shacks on. Not to stereotype, but in general, the kind of people who want to live on a swamp aren't the most concerned with the upkeep of their property, i.e. mowing, disposing of trash, patching holes in windows, roofs, etc. So the lady who leases the property complains to the health department constantly about the people living on her family's land. We in turn, are obligated to investigate the complaints. I received 3 complaints from this lady in two days, complaining of high weeds. 2 of the properties had been mowed 2-3 days prior. The other had one patch of high grass that looked like a decorative prairie. Nonetheless, I sent a notice of violation, asking them to mow. They did not respond. So now I sent a final notice. If they don't take action, they have to appear for a hearing, which they won't do. Then they get a fine, which they won't pay.
Here's the irony.
A lien is then put on the real estate, which must be paid by the owner. The owner is the lady who filed the complaint. I love it. And hate it. Why won't these people go away?

crunched.

that's how i feel these days.
I just realized I haven't posted since last tuesday. Oh well. If something gets put on the back burner, what better than blogging about nothing.

So what has happened since then?

The parents came down sunday for lunch and brought my two gorgeous deer mounts, which dad and I hung in the living room on either side of the fireplace. When Gina saw them later, she said "they look really good." And that, my friends, is why she is a keeper!

I've been taking care of the Potter's house, botanical garden, and cats while they are in the Dominican Republic. They have literlly 80,000 plants in their yard. i have a tree and some Creeping Charlie. (That would be a good name for Mr. Dean). The first night I went to feed the cats, Puma (no relation to my Cougar) rolled over on his back, which I took as a sign that he wanted me to pet his belly. Apparently he did not. I still have 4 fang wounds on my wrist.

I'm still looking for new roommates. I hate money. Actually I just hate that everyone wants mine and i don't have enough to go around.

I went camping at Clinton Lake for my buddy Josh's bachelor party. It was a great "guy's night" out. Highlights: Josh running around on Corey's "PoweriZers" (google them) while Corey received a citation for "public display of genetalia," for urinating at a campground outside the outhouse. classy. but hilarious. Also: waking Corey up the next morning by pulling out all the tent stakes and throwing a box on the roof.

Other than that, it's been more of the usual-Reality summer tour, work, workouts, and as much Gina time as I can get!

p.s. happy birthday Chris Evans-the best accountability partner, pastry chef, and horse shoer a guy could ask for.

Anyone looking for a home (or know someone who is)?

Hey friends. One of my roommates moved to Alabama last week, another will be moving in 2 weeks and the other is most likely moving in July. Which leaves me in a sticky situation. If you know anyone who is looking for a place to stay, please pass along my info. Thanks!

I have a room available immediately for rent! Perfect arrangement for summer internship or short-term lease. $450/month includes all utilities, cable, high speed wireless internet. The house is 1640 sq feet, 4 bedrooms, 1.5 bath, two living rooms, dining room, breakfast area, kitchen, and finished basement. Free washer and dryer on site. On street parking. Storage space available in basement and garage. Room is approximately 150 sq. feet, with newly refinished hardwood floor and two closets. House will be shared with myself and 1-2 other roommates I'm looking for a student/professional, 22-30 years old, non-smoker. No pets, please. If you have any questions please don't hesitate to contact me!

THANK YOU to Leslie and Ryan & Molly for offering me your vehicles (and less than an hour after posting the previous blog)! You are amazing friends and I love ya!

car doctor

So I took my baby (not Gina, the other one) to the car doctor tonight after work. They are going to save her front bumper and just refinish it, but her hood is shot. However, it is going to be replaced with a RamAir hood. chaching! They are also going to buff out the spot on the driver's side from the last hit 'n run.

Does anyone have a mo-ped or horse I can borrow June 18-21?

why me?

i was just informed that my car had been hit in the parking lot in front of the office. there's 50 feet between the parking spaces along our building and where I was parked-next to a big yellow truck. HELLO?
of course, the culprit did not have enough dignity to report it.
so now i'm stuck with a $500 deductible for a hit-and-run.
for the 2nd time in a year.
the front bumper is damaged and the hood is buckled and curled under. classy.

why can't i ever get ahead.
i hate money.


HAPPY FRIDAY.

yep, i was wrong.

staggering defeat.

i could chalk it up to missing players and shuffled positions.

or maybe we were just off.

either way, we are humbled.

and it was still fun.