Today is January 2. AKA the first day the gym will be open following New Year’s Day. AKA the single busiest gym day of the year. AKA the day that resolutionists (I invented that word) sign a one-year contract for gym membership, of which they will only use approximately 1-2 months.
It is in that spirit that I have decided to make not only 1, but several resolutions of my own. However, since I am making many, I feel it’s only good and proper that I don’t set the bar too high on any ONE goal. Therefore:
I resolve to eat less iguana in 2007.
To listen to fewer John Denver records this year than I did last year (-1).
To dine at more restaurants dressed as a panda.
To help fund a Dalmatian plantation where all the Dalmatians can roam.
To sneeze with my eyes open.
To climb to the top of the corporate ladder at work (luckily our building is only one story).
To get Cougar’s cat modeling career off the ground.
To plant a flower for every negative thought I think. Hopefully my yard doesn’t look like the poppy field from the Wizard of Oz.
To sing more.
To dance less.
To star in a Muppet movie (as a Muppet).
And finally…to retain more sanity than those I work with.
It is in that spirit that I have decided to make not only 1, but several resolutions of my own. However, since I am making many, I feel it’s only good and proper that I don’t set the bar too high on any ONE goal. Therefore:
I resolve to eat less iguana in 2007.
To listen to fewer John Denver records this year than I did last year (-1).
To dine at more restaurants dressed as a panda.
To help fund a Dalmatian plantation where all the Dalmatians can roam.
To sneeze with my eyes open.
To climb to the top of the corporate ladder at work (luckily our building is only one story).
To get Cougar’s cat modeling career off the ground.
To plant a flower for every negative thought I think. Hopefully my yard doesn’t look like the poppy field from the Wizard of Oz.
To sing more.
To dance less.
To star in a Muppet movie (as a Muppet).
And finally…to retain more sanity than those I work with.
2 comments:
i love it! thanks for the laugh!
Dude. I hear you on gym memberships, its a freaking zoo during the month of January. By Feb. it's always calmed down.
Good luck sneezing with your eyes open. I heard a guy tried it and his eyes popped out into his filet of fish sandwhich and he accidentally ate them because he couldn't see. a story like that's gotta be true.
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