For the past two weeks or so it’s been hard to get out of bed in the morning. I don’t think it’s the weather, I’ve just used that as an excuse to try and convince myself that everything else is ok. It’s not the pressure of getting things done around the house because all that’s left now is odds and ends and the problem of not having any roommates to help pay the mortgage has been more than covered. God provided several more offers as roommates in the past week or so than I can accommodate! I’m serving more than ever at church in Nexus, Reality, drama and music. Relationships with friends and family are strong.
Why do I still feel so drained? Empty?
Is it just a season of the heart? So that when I move into the next season, I taste how good it truly is?
I can’t help but blame this job I’m in. It was a blessing at first. It was more money that helped me buy a great house. But it gets harder and harder to come in to work each day. I dread answering the phone, wondering who will be yelling at me next. Demanding money they have no right to. I want to feed every new claim that the secretaries put in my “inbox” into the “outbox” (which ideally is a paper shredder). I leave the office in a sullen, somber, and sometimes angry mood, unless it’s Friday.
All I look forward to is small group Wednesday night with the kids, Thursday with my friends and nexus/reality on the weekends. But it’s so hard to get through the weekdays that seem to never end. Am I wasting my life here?
I’ve applied for a new job with the potential to make 2 or 3 times what I make now. And it sounds like something I’d enjoy and I could take an active leadership role there. But will the phone call ever come? Is that just going to lead to another dead end?
So lost in the haze.
I need a new light.
Jesus, grant me patience. Let your will be done.
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6 comments:
For now, be glad you have an income. I know it won't always be this way. Trust your faith (and your elders.) Someone is listening to your call. Have patience. Concentrate on the good things in your life. Don't let the negative be in control.
good luck with the job application.
but, i have to ask... are you sure a stronger leadership role at work is what you need when you're already feeling drained?
i don't think a drained leader is someone i would want to follow.
thanks mom.
eric-the reason i'm drained is because i have to deal with people that suck the life out of me. people that have nothing better to do in life than scam a dollar out of anything and anyone they come in contact with. the new job would be a totally different environment with people all working to accomplish a goal. my current job could be done by a high schooler.
i know how draining it can be to have a job you hate, frustrated that nothing else seems to be coming open or working out. I can say from experience though, you will be grateful for the experience. once you are in a job you love (by the way i still have days i struggle to get out of bed and go through a inner-debate of whether or not to be "sick" today.)and it is less of a chore to go to work, you will recognize how much you grew in the poopy job.
i'll be praying for you my friend. it is so draining in every aspect of your life.
be encouraged that you are doing an amazing job in Reality and Nexus!
thanks for your realness. i love you.
can you see G*D from where you are?
hmm... that makes sense i guess. and more money means less stress, right???
let's hope so.
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