poopsicle.

This morning I learned what is worse than doing a septic inspection in the rain:
doing a septic inspection on the coldest day of the year when everything has been covered with 2 inches of snow.

When my boss called at 8:35 and asked if I could do an inspection ASAP, I honestly thought she was kidding. What contractor in their right mind would be out in 1 degree weather putting in a system? But kidding, she was not. So I went back out to the car and pulled out my coveralls and boots, which were starched stiff with frost.

I went to the "big house" to check out a 4x4 and when I got to the blazer, there was no ice scraper to clear off the windshield or windows. So I used my hand. (Joy is overflowing from my heart at this point).

It took 45 minutes to get to the location, which was literally at the farthest point in the county you can be from the health department. When I pulled into the driveway, I could see no excavating equipment or even fresh footprints in the snow. The back yard looked like a war zone, covered in snow. I knew there were old tanks that had to be abandoned and could see jagged concrete and rebar emerging from drifts here and there, but couldn't be certain where was solid ground and where immanent, smelly danger lurked. The weirdest part was that the contractor was no where to be seen.

So I made my drawing and took all the measurements while stumbling awkwardly over mounds of dirt and concrete. As I was taking the last notes, I noticed a Lexus parked with the motor running in the cornfield on the other side of the fence. The driver's seat was reclined and the bill of a hat could be seen peaking over the back window. The old codger was passed out. I knocked on the window, which startled the poor fella. After several seconds, he rolled down the window and said he couldn't be much help because he hurt his back. I informed him I was already finished, but he was over 100 square feet short of the required square footage for the system. I think it's time to retire. maybe we both should.