the struggle within

What do you what to be when you grow up?

Probably one of the most asked questions you'll hear throughout your childhood-young adult life. And it's one that I keep asking myself.

I don't know why I can't be content in a job.
Maybe it's because I'm impatient, or because I want too much too fast, or because none of my employers see things the right way (my way-sarcasm). Or maybe it's because I've sought employment at the wrong places for the wrong reasons.

This weekend, Cal delivered a message that hit me between the eyes. Identify your strenghts-the ones you enjoy, and hone them. Develop what you love doing and go after it. It's simple. But it takes a lot of guts to turn away from security, however unsatisfying it may be, to go out on a limb and try to make a living doing what you truly enjoy.

All I know is that if I continue on this path, doggy paddling my way through life, scraping to get by, sooner or later I will drown. I don't want to waste this life. I don't feel I will ever be happy working under someone's thumb. If I'm not free to create things and explore what I am capable of, I feel suffocated.

Sooo...what do I do?
I'd love to run my own video production business. I know this isn't something that is built overnight. I get a great amount of satifaction and happiness when I can share what I've created with other people and they are entertained! To date, I've only done one project for $, and I think it turned out very well. My thought is to start a website, where customers can send in their own footage (home videos, sporting events, hunting footage, etc.) and I will edit and produce professional DVDs. Start small, think big. One day I could have my own crews going out and filming events themselves. Who knows.

Maybe I'm out of my mind. Maybe I should just be complacent and happy where I am. Maybe I'm over-dramatic. I just want to be able to look back on my career and say, "that's what I wanted to be when I grew up."