Over the past few days, I've listened to Aaron Shust's "My Savior, My God" on my way to work. The lyrics really speak to my soul:
I am not skilled to understand
What God has willed, what God has planned
I only know at his right hand
Stands one who is my savior
I take him at his word and deed
Christ died to save me this I read
And in my heart I find a need
For him to be my savior
That he would leave his place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my savior
My savior loves, my savior lives
My savior's always there for me
My God he was, my God he is
My God he's always gonna be
Yes, living, dying; let me bring
My strength, my solace from this spring
That he who lives to be my king
Once died to be my savior
That he would leave his place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my savior
My savior loves, my savior lives
My savior's always there for me
My God he was, My God he is
My God he's always gonna be
It just tells me that no matter what obstacles stand in my way, or how impossible and confusing life can be, God has a plan. The trials of life can make us stronger and can empower us in faith if only we trust in Him...
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
too funny not to post.
So there I am, working on a file-food poisoning. Our client has already told me that the claimant is not a very cooperative woman and engaged in an argument with their manager about the incident. Allegedly, she has medical support for her claim, etc.-but this is not relevant to the story. So, after preparing the coming metal battle, I dial the claimant's work number...my phone goes silent. I dial it again...again, nothing. Weird. No dial tone, no pleasant droid-like voice at the other end informing me that the number has been disconnected. Then I realized what I was dialing. The claimant's work number is a 1-900 number..... which are apparently blocked by our switchboard. umm....
Do you think that 1-900 "operators" can accept personal calls while on the job. Wait-aren't ALL their call "personal" calls? yuck.
Do you think that 1-900 "operators" can accept personal calls while on the job. Wait-aren't ALL their call "personal" calls? yuck.
Monday, April 24, 2006
9 Reasons why words are my favorite literary devices. (what?)
1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?", they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said," I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?", they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said," I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
"We Love to See You Smile"
Once again, I am forced to comment on the Golden Arches and what they represent. What comes to mind when you think of McDonald's? Golden fries? Mouth-watering, economically-valuable staples of an "instant" society? Or is it of fanciful childhood memories of birthday parties with friends and a happy clown? Sure McD's markets for kids. In fact, they are the #1 distributor of toys in the entire world! Therefore, everything in the store must by kid-proofed. Nothing against ankle biters, BUT. Parents, keep your freaks on a leash. Today I received a claim on a five year old boy who was playing on the floor, quickly turned around-head first into a chair. The result: inflammation and abrasion to the forehead (a scratch). Is this really worth my time? Take your kids to Chuck E. Cheese-please...
p.s. i am a neutral party in all mickey dee's marketing, diet, and employment ploys. they're just a client.
p.s. i am a neutral party in all mickey dee's marketing, diet, and employment ploys. they're just a client.
Friday, April 21, 2006
Professional summary.
Today is a Friday. Fridays are slow in the world of commercial insurance claims. This is because most people don't go out on Wednesday or Thursday night (or at least the crazy ones), in preparation for the weekend. Mondays are another story. The lull in activity has allowed me to reflect on exactly what this job entails-Lots of internet surfing, punctuated by the most random, off-the-wall, hair-brained phone calls from people who should not be allowed to reproduce.
Today's Darwin Winners are as follows:
An older gentleman who, after eating a McD's breakfast, went to his car to leave, but before he could get the door unlocked had a sudden gastro-intestinal feeling of urgency, forcing him to make a run for the restroom. Apparently he didn't quite make it to the throne in time before he "exploded from both ends." The result was that he had "made quite a mess of himself" and shuffled to the bathroom door lacking his soiled pants and yelled for someone to help him. He wanted someone to call his wife so she could bring him new clothes. A concerned customer immediately called 911. The result-an ambulance takes Mr. Poopypants to the hospital for three days and now he wants us to pay the bill (and McD's didn't cause the illness).
Another man claims he has broken several teeth and loosened others on a metal object in a McD's sandwich. He managed to spit out the broken teeth, but inadvertently swallowed the metal object. Tell me, if an object is big enough to significantly damage 1/6 of the teeth in your skull: #1 shouldn't you have seen the thing before you put it in your mouth and #2 how in the world did you swallow it? Now this guy is claiming that his family is concerned for his life because he's losing weight by not eating. um....good luck buddy.
Stay tuned for further developments
Today's Darwin Winners are as follows:
An older gentleman who, after eating a McD's breakfast, went to his car to leave, but before he could get the door unlocked had a sudden gastro-intestinal feeling of urgency, forcing him to make a run for the restroom. Apparently he didn't quite make it to the throne in time before he "exploded from both ends." The result was that he had "made quite a mess of himself" and shuffled to the bathroom door lacking his soiled pants and yelled for someone to help him. He wanted someone to call his wife so she could bring him new clothes. A concerned customer immediately called 911. The result-an ambulance takes Mr. Poopypants to the hospital for three days and now he wants us to pay the bill (and McD's didn't cause the illness).
Another man claims he has broken several teeth and loosened others on a metal object in a McD's sandwich. He managed to spit out the broken teeth, but inadvertently swallowed the metal object. Tell me, if an object is big enough to significantly damage 1/6 of the teeth in your skull: #1 shouldn't you have seen the thing before you put it in your mouth and #2 how in the world did you swallow it? Now this guy is claiming that his family is concerned for his life because he's losing weight by not eating. um....good luck buddy.
Stay tuned for further developments
Life in the Office
Last night's episode of "The Office" inspired me to post some of my favorite quotes from the greatest TV series ever created. If you haven't seen the show, obviously this won't make any sense-so I suggest you see it...IMMEDIATELY.
Dwight Schrute: I have been Michael's number two guy for about five years, and we make a great team. We're like one of those classic famous teams. He's like Mozart and I'm like Mozart's friend. No, I'm like Butch Cassidy and Michael is like Mozart. You try and hurt Mozart, you're gonna get a bullet in your head, courtesy of Butch Cassidy.
Pam Beesley: [about the office awards the Dundees] You know what they say about a car wreck, where it's so awful you can't look away? The Dundees are like a car wreck that you want to look away from but you have to stare at it because your boss is making you.
Dwight Schrute: Question, is there fire wood on the island? Jim Halpert: I guess. Dwight Schrute: Then I would bring an ax, no books. Jim Halpert: It has to be a book Dwight. Dwight Schrute: Fine, Physician's Desk Reference... Jim Halpert: Nine, smart. Dwight Schrute: ...hollowed out, inside-waterproof matches, iodine tablets, beet seeds, protein bars, NASA blanket and, in case I get bored, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. No, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Question, did my shoes come off in the plane crash?
Michael Scott: Abraham Lincoln once said that "If you're a racist, I will attack you with the North" and these are the principles I carry with me in the workplace.
Dwight Schrute: Someone forged medical information, and that's a felony. Jim Halpert: OK, Whoa, alright 'cause that's a pretty intense accusation. How do you know that they're fake? Dwight Schrute: [reading from a sheet] Uh, Leprosy, Flesh Eating Bacteria, Hot Dog Fingers, Government Created Killer Nano Robot Infection.
Mr. Brown: Now this is a simple acronym: H.E.R.O. At Diversity, we believe it's very easy to be a hero. All you need are: Honesty, Empathy, Respect, and Open-mindedness. Dwight Schrute: Excuse me, I'm sorry, but that's not all it takes to be a hero. Mr. Brown: Okay well, what is a hero to you? Dwight Schrute: A hero kills people, people that wish him harm. A hero is part human and part supernatural. A hero is born out of a childhood trauma, or out of a disaster, and must be avenged. Mr. Brown: Uh, okay, you're thinking of a superhero.
Dwight Schrute: In the wild, there is no health care. In the wild, health care is, "Ow, I hurt my leg. I can't run. A lion eats me and I'm dead." Well, I'm not dead. I'm the lion, you're dead.
It brightens my day just thinking about it!
Dwight Schrute: I have been Michael's number two guy for about five years, and we make a great team. We're like one of those classic famous teams. He's like Mozart and I'm like Mozart's friend. No, I'm like Butch Cassidy and Michael is like Mozart. You try and hurt Mozart, you're gonna get a bullet in your head, courtesy of Butch Cassidy.
Pam Beesley: [about the office awards the Dundees] You know what they say about a car wreck, where it's so awful you can't look away? The Dundees are like a car wreck that you want to look away from but you have to stare at it because your boss is making you.
Dwight Schrute: Question, is there fire wood on the island? Jim Halpert: I guess. Dwight Schrute: Then I would bring an ax, no books. Jim Halpert: It has to be a book Dwight. Dwight Schrute: Fine, Physician's Desk Reference... Jim Halpert: Nine, smart. Dwight Schrute: ...hollowed out, inside-waterproof matches, iodine tablets, beet seeds, protein bars, NASA blanket and, in case I get bored, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. No, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Question, did my shoes come off in the plane crash?
Michael Scott: Abraham Lincoln once said that "If you're a racist, I will attack you with the North" and these are the principles I carry with me in the workplace.
Dwight Schrute: Someone forged medical information, and that's a felony. Jim Halpert: OK, Whoa, alright 'cause that's a pretty intense accusation. How do you know that they're fake? Dwight Schrute: [reading from a sheet] Uh, Leprosy, Flesh Eating Bacteria, Hot Dog Fingers, Government Created Killer Nano Robot Infection.
Mr. Brown: Now this is a simple acronym: H.E.R.O. At Diversity, we believe it's very easy to be a hero. All you need are: Honesty, Empathy, Respect, and Open-mindedness. Dwight Schrute: Excuse me, I'm sorry, but that's not all it takes to be a hero. Mr. Brown: Okay well, what is a hero to you? Dwight Schrute: A hero kills people, people that wish him harm. A hero is part human and part supernatural. A hero is born out of a childhood trauma, or out of a disaster, and must be avenged. Mr. Brown: Uh, okay, you're thinking of a superhero.
Dwight Schrute: In the wild, there is no health care. In the wild, health care is, "Ow, I hurt my leg. I can't run. A lion eats me and I'm dead." Well, I'm not dead. I'm the lion, you're dead.
It brightens my day just thinking about it!
Thursday, April 20, 2006
It's a brand new day...well, it was
I must admit that this morning I realized I am beginning to develop a chemical dependency. Yes, it's true. I had a refreshing evening with friends at Old Chicago after church and grocery shopping, but stayed up past 11pm (shocker), which to an old man, is sure to reflect negatively on the following day's work performance. There exists, however, a liquid solution to this shortage of energy. Ok, I know it's just coffee, but it's getting to the point where I can't function properly in the morning without it. Oh well, it's now a rare occasion that I drink a beer so I've just replaced one drug with another. At least this one won't give me a hangover...what can I say-I lead an exciting life!
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
My Darwin Awards...
I have decided to start posting my own Darwin Awards, as I deal with some of the most intellectually-inadvanced of our society. Most of said clientele file claims against the finest dining institution they've had the pleasure of visiting-McDonald's. For reasons I won't get in to, MickeyDee's is an easy target for the most retarded people on the planet (I don't mean mentally handicapped-I have a lot more respect for those people). I'm talking about those scum that try to get something for nothing-that are looking for a pot of gold in their golden fries and grease-soaked meat patties. Case in point-today I receive a claim from Florida (which seems to have the highest percentage of McClaims in the country). The claimant alleges she was carrying her $900 purse (in McDonald's) when grease from her double quarter pounder dripped onto it, staining the leather. Umm...sorry. When you are driving your car, you are the commander of the ship responsible for it's operation. In my eyes, same goes for your burger-steer that baby into your pie hole. Any accidents that occur along the way are YOUR responsibility, not the manufacturer. Hey, if you run your car into your garage, are you going to sue the car maker-well in America, anything's possible... Congratulations ma'am, you're this week's Darwin Award Winner!
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