Departing gift.

This is the video my co-workers put together for my going-away gift. Priceless.
(I had to break it into two parts and the quality isn't the greatest, but it's pretty good).

Down the Drain...

So today was probably the most odd day I've had at the health department. This morning, we received a phone call that there was a fire at a bar yesterday afternoon. We are required to go inspect the damage whenever a facility has any kind of fire damage or sprinkler discharge to ensure all the food products are safe and the coolers/equipment are functioning properly. And while this local watering hole only served pizza, contaminated alcohol was the main concern of the investigation.
Three inspectors left first thing this morning to go check things out. Then at 11:00, my boss (the same one I scared half-to-death yesterday) came back and asked if I could head down to the location with one of the interns. Two others were also to be on their way. It sounded serious.
We had to wait for the state liquor commissioner to arrive and for the insurance adjusters and fire investigator to clear out before we could get to work. Then we were assigned the task of destroying any and all bottles of liquor and beer, as the grooved caps prevent the surface from being easily cleaned and sanitized.
So much to all of our dismay, we spent three hours emptying over 100 brand new bottles of liquor (many top-shelf and hard-to-find labels), and over 100 CASES of beer bottles. Each bottle cap had to be removed by hand. THAT'S OVER 2,500 BOTTLES down the drain. I'm sure your kids could sing that old familiar tune from here to Oklahoma with that many bottles on the wall.



I should also mention that there was no air flow through the bar while we were working and everything was covered in ash. By the time we were finished, all of us had soot-smeared faces, beer-soaked britches, and shirts that were more wet than dry. Only one more day of this. I guess they figure they need to get all the work out of me they can before I hang up my thermometers, rubber boots, and septic sampling stick!



P.S. When I got in my car after softball tonight, it still smelled like stale booze. gross.

Shananigans

Yesterday, the health department threw a potluck for me and two other employees who are also finishing their last week of employment here. It has become a tradition in the Environmental Health division to create a crazy video for the departing coworker to have as a keepsake. I'd hate to think about how many taxpayer hours were spent on mine! It was genius. They filmed it as an episode of the "Twilight Zone," with the cameraman playing me, so it was a first-person view. It began by each employee was trying to convince me to stay here, but when I refused all of their offers, they devised a plot to "off" me. The climax was "me" walking into an office where several of them had gathered at which time they captured me with a garbage bag and wrapped me in duct tape. Then several of them carried the "body" out of the office and put it in my boss's trunk. When they were spotted by the director of the health department and questioned as to what they were doing, the narrator stated my boss was going to have to "dig another hole." It was hilarious. I'll post it on youtube when I get the dvd tomorrow.

Anyway, the "body" they used was one of our yellow plastic biohazard suits, which they put inside the garbage bags. It really did look authentic. And creepy.
So today I devised a plan to get my boss back.
I had one of the secretaries call the front office so he'd have to go to the other building for a few minutes. Then I got into the biohazard suit (which was still inside the garbage bags in our break room) and had the secretary slip the bags, secured with duct tape, over my head. I DID leave a hole to breath through. I laid on the floor behind my boss's desk and waited for him to return, while several coworkers lurked in the room outside the door. When Ray came in, he walked over to a file cabinet for a few seconds, then turned to come over to his desk. When he was a few steps away, I jumped up and came at him. He leapt back with his arms up like a little girl! The look on his face was absolutely priceless. I keep bursting out laughing just thinking about it.

I'm going to miss things like this.
But that's about it.

It's Official! (take 2)

So, the cat's out of the bag (actually he was never in it (it's hard to get him in any confined space)). Gina and I are engaged! It went down last Wednesday on Grandview Dr. in Peoria. And we're pretty excited about it!

Gina has wanted to go on a picnic ever since we started dating. And we just hadn't done it. So I thought it was fitting (and she wouldn't suspect anything) if we had a little dining out of doors a couple of nights before she left for vacation on Cape Cod. She was very excited and I hoped she hadn't figured anything out since I had made a 3-hour pilgrimage (one-way) to a jewelry store in Indiana with two of her friends on the Friday before to buy the ring.

So the evening started out absolutely lovely. The weather was perfect, the sun was shining, there were sailboats on the river and we had a perfect view from the bluff. I had packed a TON of food, so we ate and made casual conversation (and all the while the ring sat a foot away, tucked into a pocket of the cooler bag, like the pounding heart under the floorboards in some Edgar Allen Poe story). After dinner, we sat for awhile, exchanging sweet nothings while joggers and a stray cat passed by. Then I told her I had made something for her and pulled out a piece of paper with notes of how much she meant to me and how I knew she was the only one for me, etc. Gushy stuff.
And then I pretended like that was the grand finale. I gazed at the surroundings. Enjoyed the silence.
Everything calmed.
And then I said there was one last surprise, but it probably wasn't what she was anticipating. The ring came in a very large box, so again, she wouldn't suspect anything. (She later remarked she thought I had gotten her a dog charm or something stupid). I got on one knee, at which time she figured she should stand up, and asked her the million dollar question. And she said yes!

So we spent the next several minutes swooning. It was a moment that was instantly burned into my soul and I will never forget (like one of those flashback moments from a sappy movie where the 98 year-old guy is in the nursing home with his wife, etc.). It was magical.

Then we spent 3 hours on the phone calling relatives and friends and oogling over the sparkliness of her new hand ornament.

Life is good.

And the planning is now in full-swing! Which is insane.
We're shooting for a November nuptial date (yes, of this year).
Woohoo!

weird day.

13 days left at the health department. Today gave me several reasons to be thankful for my pending departure.
1. Started the morning with the resampling of a septic system that had previously failed. Rang the doorbell...no answer. Again...no answer. No one home. Thanks for making the appointment. I called the homeowner. He was sorry his wife was not home. "I don't know where else she could be." I think what we have here is a failure to communicate.
2. Second stop. Owner was home but forgot to run the water 45 minutes prior to my arrival. I had to crouch in the weeds and the mud, holding a bottle under the outlet pipe to collect drop by drop until the bottle was full. And all the while, swat sparrow-sized mosquitoes.
3. Geothermal inspection at 3:30 in the afternoon in humid 90 degree weather. Mud and grout ankle deep. Sweat dripping from my face onto my clipboard, erasing the grid lines from my graph paper.

On a lighter note, the afternoon brought a touch of humor.
One of our inspectors was going to East Peoria to post a shack as unfit for human habitation. A guy had been living in a shanty without plumbing or sewer since 1997. One of the interns (a 40-ish, former military woman) was to go with the inspector for safety reasons. The inspector was parked behind the office, as was I. The intern was parked out front. The inspector drives a reddish Ford Taurus. I drive a reddish Grand Am. The intern went out the front door to pull around back and wait for the inspector to leave. I left out the back door, apparently at the same time. So, she assumed that I was the inspector, even though our cars are drastically different in shape (as are myself and the other inspector), and proceeded to speed down the road to catch up with me.
Now, this probably isn't the most professional thing to do, but after all she's an intern (and has not returned a "hi" or "good morning" a single time since she started). So I continued on my merry way to complete a geothermal inspection 7 miles south of the office. Remember, she was supposed to be going to East Peoria, about 10 miles NORTH of the office. This didn't phase her. She followed me down winding country roads, further and further south and twice pulled up directly behind me while I was stopped to check mailboxes for the address. Still, she didn't realize that I was not the other inspector, who is heavier, about 5'5", and a female with long blond hair. wow. So on I went, pulling into a driveway and up a steep hill to a brand new house, still under construction (she was going to a shack in the woods). STILL, she followed. It didn't occur to her that she had made a mistake until I stepped out of the car.
I would have loved to have a picture of her face at that moment. Maybe I'm just cruel. But at least she finally spoke to me. I think she was a little embarrassed as she backed her car out of the driveway and sped away back to the health department.

13 more days.